Faith Shift

Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything You Believe is Coming Apart by Kathy Escobar

Description
Filled with honest stories and practical insights, Faith Shift gives language to what many experience as their faith evolves. With an inviting blend of vulnerability and hope, it addresses the losses that come with spiritual shifts and offers tangible practices for rebuilding a new and authentic faith. Because what feels like an ending can become a beginning. 

Reflection
One of the most dangerous things a person can do is take something they love and turn it into an occupation. That's kind of how things were for me when I went from church volunteer extraordinaire to seminary, turning what was at the time a fierce devotion to the church via youth ministry and self-study into a four year degree towards ordained ministry in the ELCA. Make no mistake, this is not about 'should I or shouldn't have I' musings or a stroll down the road of regret, it's so much deeper than that.

I remember very clearly the mental steps I took when I decided to apply for seminary, when I decided to center my energies on becoming a paid leader for the church. I knew there was a risk that such a decision might smother the passionate faith I possessed. I knew there was a risk in what I'd like to call the 'authenticity factor' - when you go from being involved out of personal desire versus out of an obligation or sense of duty and responsibility. But for the most part, all of that speculation about killing passion dissipated upon entering seminary--my passionate faith actually intensified. That said, I did experience a significant change from a cognitive level, right around the first really thought-provoking lecture about the authorship of the Bible--it was then that the "shift" began and slowly picked up more mass, like a snowball rolling down a hill. And then that big ol' ball of snow came to a crashing halt at some point in the last 18 months, about five years removed from graduation.

I can't point out any specific thing that it was, but something veered me off the course I was used to, something shifted under my feet and suddenly everything I once thought I believed whole-heartedly slipped through my fingers and I found myself rethinking the whole damn landscape of religious faith.

Kathy Escobar calls this unraveling process I'm describing part of a Faith Shift. "For all kinds of reasons, many of us begin to experience a slow--or sometimes dramatic--shift in how we relate to God and the church. We hit a significant spiritual barrier and things stop working in the ways we are used to." Pg. 38

Shifting typically includes:

• beginning to question systems to which we once happily ascribed
• feeling unsettled about particular beliefs and doctrinal tenets
• longing to really feel more known and loved by God and others
• experiencing a deep restlessness that something might be missing in our spiritual lives
• wanting to use our passions and gifts but feeling unempowered
• worrying about losing our security and stability if we lean into these scary and unfamiliar feelings
• fearing that we are doing something wrong spiritually

Navigating this faith shifting journey as a pastor is nothing short of interesting to say the least. There was a point when I wondered about my future ability to lead, when my doubts crept up and intensified to a level of extreme discomfort. And then it dawned on me that no one has any of this figured out, no one knows without a doubt how or who or what is responsible for the way the world operates. No one who penned a particular way of understanding scripture, often times called a 'theologian' is the be-all, end-all master of religious thought, no one really knows anything for certain. Everything is speculation, best-guess, reason--their very best attempt at defining and maintaining an acceptable form of spiritual logic and then putting whatever that logic or theological structure is into practice.

I am not ashamed or embarrassed to find myself still treading in a colossal faith shift at the moment. In fact, I don't think I could go back to previously held 'certainties' if I wanted to.  Like Neo, I allowed myself to take Morpheus's red pill and let my mind plummet further and further down the rabbit hole--so if you're picking up what I'm laying down right now, then I suggest you do the same and see and feel and explore this incredibly complex and mystifying 'Matrix' of belief and disbelief for yourself.

"Sometimes as we start to realize our faith is changing, we can also feel strangely hopeful, freer, more open, and even excited." Pg. 47

If you are seeking to become anew from the inside out on a spiritual plane or find yourself dissatisfied  with your place in the religious landscape or simply cannot grasp or even want to grasp what it is you believe anymore or why it even matters, then I suggest you check out this book. If you're not interested in shaking anything up right now, then it's probably not something I recommend (if you've even read this far.)

The following paragraph from Escobar's book sums up where I am at most of the time these days:

"Instead of certainty in our beliefs about God, we long for mystery. We have a hunch God's far bigger than we've ever been taught. We want to have honest conversations about what we don't know instead of what we do. It is strange how dangerous the word "mystery" is for some. It can be the sure sign of the slippery slope, but the truth is that God has always been a mystery. It's the teachings we have followed that have tried to force what's incomprehensible into small, protected boxes." Pg. 79

Free. Your. Mind.

Photo by Sharosh Rajasekher on Unsplash