"In the theory of relativity there is no unique absolute time; instead, each individual has his own personal measure of time that depends on where he is and how he is moving. General relativity tells us that time runs differently for observers at different heights in a gravitational field." -Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
If one's emotional state qualified as a suitable description of one's location in the gravitational field, then my locale would be very, very low this day. Which would mean, I think, that time wouldn't just feel like it's going much slower, it might actually be going slower. This makes me think about those two weeks or so that me and my family kept vigil in the hospital following my dad's heart attack. Those days were painfully long. At one point we were told during a procedure that they were going to test his heart off of all intervention methods for thirty minutes and see how he responded. Thirty minutes would tell us whether he was going to live to see the next day or not. I texted family and friends to pray like hell for those thirty minutes. That's all you could do. Thirty minutes doing that felt like an eternity, while thirty minutes of sleep or playing with your kids goes by like lightning.
Now I know I'm probably butchering the real science of his theory here, but I think there might actually be a little something to my reasoning. Because when it's all said and done, the truth of this day is that it will eventually end and another day will begin. Why? Because that's how time works. We're all just along for the ride through time. And times of joy always seem to speed along quickly while times of sadness feel like you're walking through sand, you make progress but no where near as fast as when the path is smooth pavement.
Hawking: "Time will go on forever, as for those prudent enough not to fall into a blackhole." In these moments of devastating grief and longing, forever sucks. My dad is gone, and the further away from the day he died we go, the weaker my memories and feelings I shared with him while he lived will probably become. This is the aspect of "Becoming Anew" that really bites. Time will force all things to change whether I want them to or not. Time is. Dad was. I know that there will be plenty more good moments to come, and I will feel differently then, but even so the concept of time ticking by for-e-ver boggles my mind and, just as I felt when I first laid eyes on him after this happened, I wanted nothing else than for time to go backward, that I might cherish even more than I already did the time we shared together.
But even if you could, time would relentlessly creep forward. That's what time does. Always forward, the speeds may vary, but onward we all must go.
"What force could be responsible for pushing the cosmos apart ever faster?" -Stephen Hawking
"Huh. Really? Un-believable." -Roderick Long
R.I.P Roderick Long & Stephen Hawking (Never thought those two names would be put side by side. There's a first time for everything!)
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