The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson
Summary: Manson makes the argument, backed by both academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. There are only so many things we can give a fuck about, so we need to figure out which ones really matter.
Reflection: Writing one month to the day of my dad's all-too-early-exit from this life, I am reminded not of something I read in the Bible or something theological or scientific, but of something Mark Manson said in his tell-it-like-is book:
It comes back to how, in reality, there is no such thing as not giving a single fuck. It's impossible. We must all give a fuck about something. To not give a fuck about anything is to still give a fuck about something. The real question is, 'what are we choosing to give a fuck about? What values are we choosing to base our actions on? What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life? And are those good choices, good values and good metrics?
Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life...it's easy to want that. A more interesting question that most people never consider is: "What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?" Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out...the path to happiness is a path full of shitheaps and shame. You have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. It can't all be roses and unicorns all the time...What is the pain that you want to sustain?
It is a vulgar book, but even as a pastor, I have to admit from time to time that there are some things in life that dropping an f-bomb about are really acceptable and necessary. Death, especially of the unexpected, tragic, cancer or fill in the blank disease that sucks variety, is one of those acceptable times. Death and the suffering that ensues is more than enough reason for waving a middle finger at. All that aside, in response to Mark's barrage of questions above, I have to say that if there's a pain worthwhile of choosing to struggle for, it's the bottomless grief that results when you lose someone you love.
Grieving the people you love is always worth struggling for. I will not run from his memory, stuff it or seek to numb the pain of his life being snuffed out before any of us were ready for such an event--I choose to simply embrace the dread that such grief brings, tears, emptiness and all. The difference being of course, that I am not the only one who shoulders this pain--there are many who grieve dad's death, including other people I love, and somehow--even though the thought of those people suffering sucks just as much--that's what makes this struggle even more worthwhile.
There were many, many more great take-aways from his book that I am sure will resurface in future posts, but I do appreciate these words of his today. If you can stomach the swearing, I recommend you check it out for yourself.
Summary: Manson makes the argument, backed by both academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. There are only so many things we can give a fuck about, so we need to figure out which ones really matter.
Reflection: Writing one month to the day of my dad's all-too-early-exit from this life, I am reminded not of something I read in the Bible or something theological or scientific, but of something Mark Manson said in his tell-it-like-is book:
It comes back to how, in reality, there is no such thing as not giving a single fuck. It's impossible. We must all give a fuck about something. To not give a fuck about anything is to still give a fuck about something. The real question is, 'what are we choosing to give a fuck about? What values are we choosing to base our actions on? What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life? And are those good choices, good values and good metrics?
Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life...it's easy to want that. A more interesting question that most people never consider is: "What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?" Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out...the path to happiness is a path full of shitheaps and shame. You have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. It can't all be roses and unicorns all the time...What is the pain that you want to sustain?
Grieving the people you love is always worth struggling for. I will not run from his memory, stuff it or seek to numb the pain of his life being snuffed out before any of us were ready for such an event--I choose to simply embrace the dread that such grief brings, tears, emptiness and all. The difference being of course, that I am not the only one who shoulders this pain--there are many who grieve dad's death, including other people I love, and somehow--even though the thought of those people suffering sucks just as much--that's what makes this struggle even more worthwhile.
There were many, many more great take-aways from his book that I am sure will resurface in future posts, but I do appreciate these words of his today. If you can stomach the swearing, I recommend you check it out for yourself.
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